Is it time to say goodbye?                            by Sara Levene

There is a strangely sad and lonely feeling that surrounds me, I feel sorrow well up in my eyes, as fluid dashes from my heavy stomach up past my throat, just stopping short of falling from my eyelashes as tears and caressing my cheeks. I know this moment is about discovery, possibly of self or something even greater, something universally spiritual, and yet, even in that knowledge, I am drawn deeper into my sadness. 

I have been looking forward to spending time with girls for months, three spiritually in tune, excited women sharing our journeys, revelations and experiences from our life paths, but there is a nagging feeling of change. Somewhere along the road of this last year, I've felt a parting commence with a soul mate. I have yearned far less for the uplifting conversations, content in the knowledge that for two of us, our paths have taken slightly different routes; where once our feelings were similar, they now seem almost opposite. I have made decisions completely alone, where once I would've eagerly discussed, in detail, what the positive course of action, could and should be. The friendship that once offered me everything I wanted now seems to be draining me of all that I have. 

Currently my two soul sisters are together in town and I am at the cottage, but a few minutes away, alone and left pondering what it is that doesn't quite feel right. In one of my dearest friends I have a partner with which to explore my spiritual growth and discoveries, eagerly and continually, but with the other, there seems little to share. Our opinions have changed, our beliefs, though solid in spirituality have become more challenging to each other than I ever dreamed possible and the energy we share no longer feels enlightening. I wonder just what it is I am to learn, from this situation.

I sit cross-legged, glass of wine in one hand and pen in the other, but I don't drink and I don't write, I simply stare. The clouds move freely across the sky and the greenest grass plays home to the scattering of yellow flowers, standing tall, proud and alone, each one making up a part of the scenery and yet solitary in it's own space. I smile and appreciate all I can see, gaining comfort from the simplistic beauty of nature, and gradually, I feel a calmness from somewhere outside of myself and yet from deep within. The tears fall slowly, and the healing begins as my own questions prepare to answer themselves.

When is it time to say goodbye to an old and trusted friend?

I have the faith that I have, because she had and confirmed that same faith too. She helped me to discover myself, by believing in who I was becoming and helping me to cement my beliefs. My spiritual awakening, my re-birth was not a lonely one because she was with me, every step of the way. Five years ago, our lives were so parallel and our feelings and beliefs, quite the same. Life was exciting and challenging, as well as relatively easy, because she didn't question who I was or what I felt to be true in the world. We discovered ourselves, our souls together. Now as I appreciate the simplicity of the country setting I am in, I realize the complexity of my confusion. Our lives are still quite parallel, but it seems a lot of the in depth substance has altered. And I know, quite simply, I am afraid.

Things are so different between us, we both feel it, I'm sure, but we don't talk about that, instead we try, we really try to make that connection, to lose ourselves and talk through our souls. My soul, however, doesn't wish to converse! I Sip my wine and remember how much sweeter it tasted when we drank together. How great it felt when we would have revelation after revelation about life on earth and universal law. She didn't question me, nor I her, we were on the same plane at the same time and our inner strength grew on a daily basis. Our souls were truly soaring together!

 My tears have now washed away the sorrow and all I can do is question myself. There's no point wondering what happened to us, it's obvious that our life paths have changed somewhat, and as long as we are true to ourselves, then we must realize, this is a good thing. The point I need to clarify is straightforward, do I need to say goodbye? Has our friendship run its course? Has this soul mate connection served its purpose in our lives and is it now ok to let go of such a special person?

 Soul mates come and go, some stay for a lifetime and others share their magic before moving on to where they're needed most, even knowing this, I find it hard to consider letting go of this friendship. And of course I now question the need to let go in the first place. So what if most of our beliefs are different now? Why do I have to cut off a relationship that meant so much? And how would I ever justify that decision?

A spiritual life can be a lonely one, because conscious awareness on a worldwide scale is, for now, a long way off. Too many of us still value societies laws and find spiritual beliefs alien. I choose to encircle myself with those people who have an understanding and appreciation of awareness, and I don't wish to waste my energy constantly battling for my beliefs to be understood or accepted. I believe in free will, freedom of choice and acceptance of every person and every thing, so then, should I surround myself with people whose energies hold different and unchallenging ideals to mine?

The answer, I believe, lies within our souls. If I'm around people who I don't feel good around, then am I selfish to myself or to them?

If I feel empty and unfulfilled with some, and the opposite with others, then surely it's my responsibility to spend time where I feel I will be the best person I can be and to share my life with those people that make me truly happy from within. Spiritually perhaps it is best not to think of letting her go, but setting us free, allowing her to touch the lives of others, proud and sure of her beliefs as they stand in her life right now. I see that I'm unnecessarily afraid of who I am without her, but I'm so proud of who I've become because of our connection. My growth takes place from within, my unconditional loving energy comes from my soul and I realize that I no longer need confirmation of my thoughts. I am where I am, and she is, where she is, universally, if we are both true to our souls, we will be the best mortals we can be.

We will all touch lives for lifetimes to come and although our beliefs may change or our faith may be challenged, we never have to say goodbye. Our visits may become infrequent, so to, our conversations, but our souls will always house the energy of our connection, and our memories, of how we grew together, will be strong in our thoughts, comforting and affirming. But for these two mortals, the plan has changed, the fork in the road has widened and perhaps we must now learn how to fly alone!